April 2011
92 posts
Gone
I may not know wtf is going on or what to say, but atleast im not going to give up on you. No….not when you done so much for me. I wont give up even if you given up on me. I dont care. Im just never going to give up on someone I love. Its my turn to help you, and I sure as hell wont stop trying until you smile once again.
March 2011
73 posts
Men’s Health Magazine <3
You fucking bitch
Ive done it plently of times in the past. Ive done it before out of curiosity, hate, happiness….Ive done it to satisfy myself. I done something terrible…I dont want to ever do it again. I am disgusted with myself right now. I promised myself that I wasnt going to do it again, but Ive done it. Even though I might have gotten ‘better’…I know that nothing still hasnt...
April is almost here…..where has my time gone? Well, Im slowly embracing it…Its still painful to think about it, but it has to happen sooner or later. I must enjoy my time here. I have to make the best out of every second that happens. I cant stay mad anymore….cant stay crazy. I must fix things and it already feels like I have. I just want to enjoy my stay. I just want to spend...
Funny how I want a 6 pack yet I dont do any ab exercises…
Sex bucket list
Kiss a girl
Have anal
Have a threesome
Engage in group sex
Have phone sex
Masturbate
Use a vibrator
Use a sex toy on someone else
Be tied up
Tie someone up
Have sex in a public space
Be a voyeur and watch others having sex (live, porn does not count)
Sex in a car
Sex at a drive-in
Mile-high club
Sex with a stranger
One-night stand
Married sex (the best kind, in my opinion)
Sex...
Death metal brings out my inner cannibal. Yes, I said it. It really does >:)
Strike out everything you've done, It gets real? →
1. Had a threesome. 2. Been drunk. 3. Touched a real gun. 4. Done drugs. 5. Wrote on a bathroom stall. 6. Took “naughty” pictures of myself. 7. Had sex. 8. Got into a fist fight. 9. Used Twitter. 10. Listened to Lady Gaga. 11. Been in a car accident. 12. Gotten suspended. 13. Gotten expelled. 14. Got a computer virus. 15. Had a hand-written diary. 16. Been allergic to something. 17. Had a dog....
Beautiful morning. Im chilly on the outside, yet warm on the inside. She gives me this unique euphoria when I think of her<3
I can see it. Its calling to me at the moment. I know if I try, it will be better. I know if I atleast show interest, life will do me good. Today as I sat in class, I thought that the best part of my life hasnt happened yet. I shouldnt feel like scum for not reaching my potential yet. I havent shown my potential at all….but im starting to today, and it has done me a whole lot of good. So now...
That day....
Ever since that day, it will never feel the same. My soul is still in that paradise. It has never moved on….and its starting to seem like it will never will.
I guess today didnt go the way I wanted. Didnt do the things I wanted to do, didnt say what I wanted to say, didnt even feel what I wanted to feel. I still feel hate. I still dont feel love. I guess its pointless but imma keep trying. I want a drink of whiskey. I want a pill of esctasy. I want a few lines of cocaine. I want a bong hit. I want 50ml of ketamine. I want all these things but I dont...
“There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.”
– Will Rogers (via taye)
It bled enough
All of today was fucking bullshit. Fuck it, when your having a bad day, working out makes it a little better. But Im sleeping my day away afterwards. good fucking night
Only through the end of days will I regret not doing what I always wanted to do. Only, maybe, I will find peace within the emptiness. Maybe, I will grow accustomed to this regret but I wish to not be. The rose still withers…
Why the fuck is my phone always in weird places =/
It will only catch my attention if fire can overcome water.
Yeah….I think Im going to consider leaving bootcamp earlier. Perhaps a week after schools ends. I have nothing waiting for me in laredo anyways.
First tattoo?
After last night, I can say I too am going to get a tattoo before leaving to the marines. On my back, im going to write, ” Here We Go “. These 3 words have strong meaning to my life. Shit happens….we may never recover or even understand whats going on. We may be going through shit or through bliss but fuck it, here we go. we are going where ever life takes us. We are embarking to...
Still feeling the ecstasy in my mind.
Morning happiness
Only 2 hours of sleep but yet, I awoken with a smile today. Not the smile I usually give to people to fool them that I am happy, but a genuine smile. I truly felt how happy one can be when you set your mind to it. I actually felt happiness. Happiness was hiding from me all along these past few weeks and now I can say I’m happy. I am walking on a path of my choice and I am proud that I can...
Tonight was fucking intense, first a lame party in which we tried to escape to only get pulled over and searched while tripping balls. Haha, pretty intense. Couldnt even stare into the camera, and neither could my bros. That felt like it was an hour long search but it was only 15 minutes. I swear at that moment, we were invincible you think that stopped us from partying? Ha. Then we headed over to...
I am locking myself in my own world forever. Its time now…Its calling me.
“Graduation is only a few days away, and the recruits of Platoon 3092 are salty....”
– Private Joker
“Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a...”
– Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
“Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Marines. You’re...”
– Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Its fucking beautiful.
Cant stay awake, burning alive. I cannot breathe this poison air filled with lies
Again, another day.
I have it controlled I think. But I still cannot ignore my delusions. I am alone in my room and Im trying to comprehend if what Im sensing is real. I know my love never meant any harm in telling me that I must get better but Im trying. Im constantly questioning if new objects, sounds, or people are real or not. My mind feel heavy. My mind feels like its breathing. I suck at describing things so...
Lost
Days are rolling by and I am getting mentally worse. I am writing right now before my thinking becomes absolute to my distorted thoughts. Lets see, this past week, my thinking has grew even more paranoid….even more delusional. Constantly having this delusion that a world exists after death. I’m growing more obsessed with this concept. I’m being consumed by it. Right now, Its...
Hope this is the best day out of this whole fucking week. I need a break.
And once again, it was because I love you.
Moment of truth
Alright…..in 30 minutes, Im proving to someone that I will change. I’m gonna put a effort so large, that not even she will dare to even think about doing for me. It might not be a whole big of a deal to some people but wow, she thinks I would never do this for her. But what Im doing is nothing compared to how far I will actually go because hey, its only laredo. I would go further if I...
Not much of an effort? well lets see if this surprises her.
mel-star:
You should never give up what you love.
“And there she bloomed on the fertile part of its heart,
Brilliance had once...”
– Kevin Ruiz
A Man Said to the Universe
noideasbut:
A man said to the universe: “Sir, I exist!” “However,” replied the universe, “The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation”
Stephen Crane
what happens before I sleep.
12:22 AM- Looking outside my window. The world is melting. 12:28 AM- Pacing back and forth across my room. 12:31 AM- Laying down on the floor, head hitting on the tile. 12:40 AM- Looking at my bottle of seroquel. Thinking if I should devour a heavy dose. 12:42 AM- Still looking at the bottle, still thinking about my girlfriend 12:43 AM- Opening and closing the bottle. Still thinking about my...
Wtf have I done?
Susie is not working anymore. I dont feel her much anymore. I need to constantly abuse her to feel the satisfaction. I need to constantly beat her with the voice of addiction. I’m moving my dosage up a bit. A gram perhaps? 1.3 grams? What is the right dosage before I start craving that mental depression again? Tonight, hopefully a gram will be just right. I need to hear what she has to say...
Its hard to scream with the throat full of glass.
Gotta admire how people do things impulsively. I love it.
Lovely Susie, I love you. You make wonders on my mind. As I swallow you, you calm me. Those eyes you give me when you look at me make me wanna trip. Your smile makes me in the mood. I love you my gentle seroquel.
